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He didn’t want to lie to me so his unease was evident. “Yes!” He kept his eyes directly on me, no doubt hoping like crazy I wouldn’t be angry. I sighed just barely knowing he was keeping some part of it to himself. He deliberated too long. “Did you put them there?” I asked.
“No!”
I didn’t expect that answer. “Did I?”
“No!” Certainly didn’t expect that answer.
“I don’t understand.”
“I know,” he sighed evading the truth. Just like I thought.
“Ian.”
“Pike put the dream there when you were twelve.”
“What? Why? How did he—never mind, why?” The choked sound in my throat broke the words up.
He looked down and mumbled, “He was stopping Kinsler's. He wanted to put himself into your dreams in hope that you would give him the chance one day to become his—“
“How sick! And I’m not a dang prize!” I thought first stopping him in mid sentence then I remembered, “But you were in my dream, not him.”
“I made it to him just in time to alter what he’d put in your dream sequence. I replaced him with me and—“
“You two can create and alter dreams.” This unnerved me a bit. I kept interrupting him without really meaning to.
“In humans, yes!” I would probably be disgusted with what all they could do. .
“It is really disturbing to know you knew I was dreaming about you all this time.”
He nodded.
“And you know that, in the dream, someone tried to kill me? That was Kin, right?” Because That made sense. “And I’m guessing, correct me if I’m wrong, that Pike tried to put himself in my dream to keep Kin evil, and he put himself in the dream to save me.” Butthead Pike! Evil Kin! Is he really that evil or just manipulative or did Ian and Pike set him up to be that way. Either way I couldn’t help but let the name catch in my throat every time I said it or even thought it. It gave me the chills. I was totally getting into a dark black mood of sourness and wanted no part of it.
Nodding seemed to be safe as I fought a smile with my clever detective work.
“And you replaced him with you.” I didn’t wish to belabor the obvious, but I felt like things were being left unsaid and I needed to clear the air.
I watched him run his fingers through his dark hair and then saw them spiral and spin back down in front of one eye the way it always did. I was okay with all this dream stuff just not happy that someone or something could have been that invasive into my mind for years. But it didn’t hurt me, really. I smiled wanting to hear him say that he’d switched the dream for fear of losing me or some reason like it, but did I really need to hear it. “I’m okay. But just to be clear about this, I don’t think even for one second that Pike could have ever been appealing to me, dream or not.”
When Ian’s shoulders fall, all is better. I pulled his arms up to me with the vulnerable shields down appearance that was something Ian had never pulled off until recently worrying briefly if I weakened him by my very presence. I ask too many questions. I only meant to create exposure to what comes with this person or being that I is becoming, not add anxiety to his life.
The air too quiet I added, “I’m really okay, Ian.”
Finally, he spoke away from me. “I know. It’s just…I hated keeping that from you for years. I couldn’t tell you things for so long. Now that you can know, it’s killing me to lose your trust.” He sounded very honest and frank. I get the “I hold back information for safety reasons” Ian, I just don't like it.
“Trust you. I completely trust you. Why would you even think that? Never mind. Either way, Pike is the dog. And yes, I understand his motives, but stop thinking what you think I’m thinking because you’re wrong. Pike’s just pissed I won’t go play in his sandbox. Well, my sandbox is full. No room for more than one and he’s already here.” You capricious man you!
He cracked an almost nonexistent smile at my analogy. It was just enough of a smile to make me want to throw my arms around him and kiss him, but I temporarily kept my hormones in check. “Anything else from growing up I might not know and we can clear the air completely?”
He withdrew further from me and thought for a second, “I wasn’t skipping classes to gallivant, as you say, around like you thought. Kinsler was right behind you most of the day. Not scaring you, but he tried to take you more than once. I couldn’t let my guard down.”
That was ominous. Why did he want to kidnap me so bad? “Anything else?”
Before long, I caught something running through my thoughts. That’s how it works. These guys interlace their thoughts with another to communicate. I was the newcomer to it, not them. The weird part was Ian didn’t seem to know he was doing it. He thought about the coach. And that he wasn’t there in the last few days of my persuasive nature attacks with my odd magical skills. He pictured something I didn’t recognize that had something to do with coach and Kin, but made a decision to solve this one himself. Before I could make sense of his garbled thoughts he said aloud, “No! That’s it.”
I would analyze the sequence later so I smiled and leaned my forehead onto his. Telling him I could see what he was thinking might make him mad. Still, I didn’t see how he couldn’t feel himself doing it or know he was. All the other times with him or others, it seemed to cause a startle in the person.
Both our heart rates were racing from the infrequent physical contact that we both secretly wanted remedied but still denied ourselves. I tilted my head just slightly to allow his eyes to see mine, know what I wanted. With our eyes locked on each other, I eased my lips to brush against his feeling brave for being the initiator. We both shivered. He brushed my lip aside and just rested his cheek against mine instead of continuing the kiss. Bravery was fast becoming my new middle name! We stayed in that moment until we were both torn from our bliss by my name being whispered in the background.
“Miss Grace. I hate to interrupt, but there is an emergency.”
Ugh! There is always an emergency and only addressed me even though it was Ian who took care of it. I didn’t move, but opened my eyes and leaned my forehead back against his like before. He squeezed my arm as I touched my bracelet making me smile at the reminder. Ian turned one of my favorite pendants into one when it ripped off on the range practice one morning.
“Go, my queen. I will check my guards.” I was still unaccustomed to this newfound freedom of being so open and sharing the responsibilities with Ian, what few I had.
More awkward was the little bit of the control I had especially when it came to him. It seemed I could ask for whatever I wanted and he would grant it but I would never ask. At least not after I figured he’d not deny me. This could be disturbing to someone else and easily taken advantage of, but I didn’t want that to ever happen.
Whatever the guard wanted, it wouldn’t take long and didn’t involve Pike if Ian wasn’t within the request. So now, I waited for him to dismiss them wanting him to remain in charge and not as my prince. Not in a marriage sense, well yes that too, but in charge. He knew what he was doing and knew way more than I did. Sometimes, I could see that he was letting me lead, but I didn’t want to do anything alone. It’s together only.
Chapter Two
debt- n. something that is owed or due
Sparring class was today. Once or twice a week, Pike and Ian took to sparring in front of the new recruits, old recruits, us ladies, and anyone else who would “oh” and “ah” their awesomeness at swordplay. They thrust their swords in all the right places to make the crowd go “wow” at their every move. They would somersault, jump, and even once Pike pulled the sword to my neck in a semblance of “save thy damsel in distress” for Ian to get uncomfortable. He finally let me go and bowed to Ian for pure annoyance, but successfully only made him furious. He did everything possible to not let me get that close again to Pike who now spent too much time at court. All this defending myself act was wearing down on my girl nerves. But it all died down in a d
ay and Ian was his jolly self again after a talking with Pike alone. I wondered majorly about what he said to Pike, but let it go when both their eyes were black. It did however give me a super, awesome, great idea in the “defend yourself” department.
Sitting by the fire with the Seer, Altheon proved to be a favorite peaceful time to think. He was very relaxed and easy to be in the presence of. He was better informed about current and coming events, so Ian always seemed better at ease when he agreed to meet us for a night of drinks and snacks by the fire. Tonight it was watered down red wine and cheese. I longed for some marshmallows.
My calming moment was extinguished the second I thought of Kin and his dubious deeds. I was worried a lot more lately about the surveillance Ian was supposedly doing over the exiled prince. He was so watchful, antsy, agitated easy, you name it!
Ian thought I didn’t hear, but he shared with Altheon that he’d required Pike to pay up on a debt that would include that I would not be left alone anywhere outside the garden, campsite grounds, or the trampoline area. He could trust Pike with my life, but he didn’t trust him with other things. There were just too many times he had to leave me alone and take care of the guards and surveillance and openly admitted he needed help. He was being ridiculous. I chose to keep my comments to myself knowing it would only ensure a fight that I most likely would never win.
Altheon made me practice with blocking, talking, and my mind mojo techniques after our treats ran out. I was getting better every day. He commented again on my glowing aura so I asked him about it. He said he only joked about others seeing it and that only those with the sight could. I wasn’t sure if that was comforting or not.
I interrupted after reviewing in my head some of their previous conversation, “Do you think Pike is really monitoring Kin as well as he should? I mean, he doesn’t seem to be focused as well as you make him out to be. I just worry about what surprises might arise that he wouldn’t catch because he seems so preoccupied with making your life miserable.”
No one spoke so I kept on.
“I mean, Pike’s living in the fantasy world, excuse my pun, that he thinks is going to pan out the way he wants it to be and we can’t seem to shake him hard enough to rattle him out of it.” Of course, I myself stepped into that fantasy world and embraced every single fairy tale part of it. I was as much to blame myself. Cursed to a doomed life spiked with the edges of my own randomly patterned mind that refused reality most of the time.
“I mean, I know he’s jealous and all of the whole us thing, summer court thing, left out in the field thing, but he could be happy. We just need to find somebody for him,” I convinced myself. “That’s it! We’ll find someone for him. Maybe that would lighten him up. What do you think he would say to that?”
The most severe silence followed.
“Ian?”
“Ian?” I said the second time.
He looked too smug. I said his name again. “Ian? What do you think Pike would say?”
“Why don’t you ask him?” Ian seemed rather pleased but still holding dread in his eyes.
Just then, a blood red, boiling Pike stepped from the shadows beyond the campfire with fists balled up and ready to hopefully not hit me. Oh, no! “I—I—”
“You are so far off of what I need…you don’t have the faintest idea of what I need. If you had a brain cell in that damn body of yours, you’d just stick to “happying” your prince and running your court.” After Pike’s mutinous crack of the knuckles, his signature move to convey annoyance, Ian stood at the insult causing Pike to step up. Hands up! His maniacal laugh seemed intended to be taken as infinitely tragic with his poor circumstances, but somehow I found it disturbing and oddly sad.
“I came here to give you an update sticking to the deal I knew would backfire. If you’d like, I can keep my information to myself and be on my way. If your trust in me is that lacking, then what need of me is there? Do you even know what you need right now, my.la.dy?” His smile was laced with poison of the sweet variety. So as to taste first, look back later variety.
I was outwardly speechless. Inside, I ripped him up in my paper shredder mind. This was not what I had planned for my next conversation with Pike. Full of cynicism, sarcastic fool! You and your snide remarks are so—
What? What am I? He leaned in.
I gritted my teeth.
“Speak louder, they can’t hear you,” he demanded with a sardonic smile. And then for some absurd reason, he tacked on, “or I’ll show you what you need, right now.”
Ian was there, blocking me physically, but he couldn’t shield me from Pike’s little thought rays of sunshine.
Bitter man. Imponderable know-it-all who thinks he know what’s best for me.
Dictionary talk turns me on.
Note to self.
Got any more words from your personal Pike list-a-phobia.
STAY OUT OF MY HEAD, DAMN IT! I fumed. It was proof they’d both been listening to my head for years. Idiots.
Ian spoke fuming just as much, “First, insulting the queen is not tolerated. Second, she has your best interest at heart. Cut her some slack.”
“Like you cut me mine, man. You knew I was standing there when she went off on her little scheming tangent. You let her keep her irrationally minded thinking in the dark because you, Prince-y boy, are scared for her to think differently. I know what you fear most, Ian. Somehow, she will see through all of that with time.” He turned to face me with eyes I couldn’t come close to reading. However, he could shift thoughts my way in a heartbeat. “You don’t want to trust me. Do you want to ask me why? I think you don’t want to trust me because there is something else there that you don’t want to admit.”
What was he hinting at? I feared the answer to that seeing Pike’s usual bravado on empty. He was bearing too much for all to see.
“There, I see it in your face. My queen, who do you trust?”
What does he see in my face? I straightened the best I could, but my mind was reeling with why he would do this to me in the first place. I couldn’t explain the need to feel sorry for Pike or any other emotion attached to him at the moment. I wanted him to be happy too.
He shook his head a vivid “yes” and adding his own unique boyish smile that sent the weakest girl into the shakes. And you know there’s something there too, Grace.
There was a plea of hope even within his mind with the way he said my name. His lips softened into a smile that forced my eyes to keep from blinking and dry up. He repeated my name to amuse himself or to attempt to shut me down. It did!
Did Ian read Pike’s thoughts? Did Pike let him? I snatched a glance at Ian.
He only does when I want him too. Some things...are private between me...and you.
I jumped up, fumbling all over. Tripped. Yanked. My necklace was safe against my skin now. Why in the Sam heck I didn’t do that before I got to this point was starting to make me wonder if I didn’t like this sadistic humor Pike and I shared and that I liked punishing myself. “Why can’t you just be helpful and leave it at that?” My hands shot out to steady as I landed behind Ian and used him as a shield.
“And when I need your help, I’ll ask. If I’m destined to solitude, so be it. But…” he was fuming on the outside, but soft and mostly sweet on the inside. He hesitated and motioned like he would turn his eyes towards Ian, but didn’t. He kept his eyes directly on me oh little me.
I’ll be there if you need me. And he left, just like that taking his stronger than ever scent with him. The way he’d said need as many times as he did made me so very uneasy.
I couldn’t look at Ian but I felt like I wronged him. I wanted to sit back down, but the evening was ruined. I spent the moment trying to figure why I challenged Pike convincing myself I was right and he was wrong. I turned slightly intending to retreat to my room and say goodnight not wanting to face what just happened. I stopped briefly contemplating what information Pike was about to bring before I interrupted, but decided to let it go till Ian c
ould tell me later. I knew Pike would come back after I was gone to tell Ian. Pike was just that way. And I couldn’t help the only thought running through my brain over and over. Androphobia. The fear of men.
I didn’t say anything at all. I bent down and pecked Ian’s cheek and left without a sound to the garden. If I hide my head in the plants with a spade and some seeds, I could forget it all. I could do that because I did it yesterday and the day before.
Ian looked to Altheon observing his silent role in the scene that just took place. “What do you think seer?” He didn’t rehash or mention his interpretation.
He half laughed, “It’s irrelevant.”
“Hardly! You could tell me how things work out, later…with Pike and…”
“Master Ian, I could no sooner decide the dessert for tomorrow’s dinner. You’ll have to wait and see.”
Ian stood and walked to go through the woods in the opposite direction I did. Pike was just outside the perimeter of the court.
“What did you find out?” Ian was probably thinking it was best to avoid the recent events.
His back was to Ian and I alike. I blocked like I should have with my mouth five minutes ago but continued to listen. “Kin is snooping around her house. Mostly standing watch at the dilapidated old fire hazard next to hers. Bunch of crap. Just watching. I am still surveying the reasons why. Has a few cronies stationed around the house perimeter. The salt has him trapped on the outside.”
It is alarming to say the least. “Just keep me posted.” He’d normally stay and joke a bit, but not tonight for sure. He was probably hoping like heck that the prior subject would be dropped.
“Later.” Ian turned to go.
“She’ll question the hell out of you sooner or later Ian. You’ll have to be more honest with her. You know that.”
He didn’t return anything. He just left.
Chapter Three
duty- n. done from a sense of moral obligation